“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” – Oscar Wilde
There have been times when I woke up and realized I missed an appointment from the day before. This forces me to keep tiny to-do lists to help me stay on point. Centralizing my calendars would probably help but that’s beside the point. What’s more important here is when you make your list, are you putting yourself on your to-do list and crossing “you” off the list after you’ve done you? How many times have you told yourself that you were going to get up early every morning at 6 a.m. and exercise for an hour, only to find yourself making that same promise at the top of the following week. I prefer to exercise in the morning because something inevitably comes up in the evening that forces me to not keep that commitment. The problem is we, women especially, take on everybody else’s priorities pushing ourselves to bottom of our list. Unfortunately, we pushed ourselves to the bottomless place of oblivion. Why does this occur? Fearing we will be called “selfish” for putting ourselves first might be the cause. But isn’t putting yourself first and taking care of yourself, a more selfless act? One can argue that you’ll certainly be healthier, saner to handle the demands of your loved ones?
The other day I was watching “I Used to be Fat.” This particular episode told the story of young African American woman named Daria, who was overweight. She agreed to be on the show and allow viewers to watch her transform over the next 90 days. She met up against a lot of obstacles that were mainly self-induced. She would work out for four hours daily and then cheat eat. The trainer kept questioning her lack of progress and she finally broke down and told her that mom’s lack of support enabled her self-sabotaging. Her mom was single and really needed her to help with her little brother, get a job and help with the bills. Along with those demands, she thought Daria’s efforts to lose weight were very selfish but really she was doing something for her health. Now, there were certainly other dynamics at work here but she acknowledged these factors as well as her desire for mother’s support, communicated with her mom and was able to resume losing weight regularly in the remaining time period. So it got me thinking, are we programmed to believe that being selfish is wrong o? And if so, when is it really wrong and what does it really mean to be selfish.
Now, I’m not saying you should become self-serving to the detriment of others but when do you begin to put yourself at the top of your list and cross “you” off once you’re done? What everyone values is different. I do believe we should start to value ourselves more, quiet the judgmental voices in our head, climb back to the top of the paper line and recognize what it really means to be selfish.
Randomness: The picture above comes from 30daydoit.com. Today is my maternal grandmother’s Grace’s birthday. She’s deceased now but she made some of the best sweet potato pies this side of Heaven and that’s how my love affair with sweet potato pies began. This is Day 80 with just a few more days left in October. Let’s finish 2011 strong!
